Not The Most Clever

A list of 66 things Trooper Hardcase is no longer allowed to do in the Grand Army of the Republic

Wed, 13 Jun 2018 14:04:47 -0400

kaasknot:
1. Perform any action preceded by the words “Hey, watch this!”
2. Address Captain Rex as “Mom,” no matter how much it makes Commander Tano laugh.
3. Ignite thermite in the toilets, even if it’s “for science.”
4. If it makes ARC Trooper Fives giggle for more than 30 seconds, Trooper Hardcase is not allowed to do it.
5. Play “Meet Your Maker” on the loudspeaker when Chancellor Palpatine arrives to inspect the troops.
6. Play “Four-Faced Lola” on the loudspeaker when Senator Orn Free Taa tours the Resolute on a goodwill visit.
7. Play any music for the arrival of any dignitary.
8. Call his rotary blaster the “missile of love.”
9. Ask Captain Rex where babies come from.
10. Ask General Skywalker where babies come from. 11. Speak to Commander Tano. At all.
12. Take newly-requisitioned LAAT/is out on unsanctioned flights to “pop their cherry.”
13. When operating any military vehicle, Trooper Hardcase may not attempt something he “saw in a holovid.”
14. The proper way to report to a commanding officer is “CT Hardcase, reporting as ordered, Sir,” not “You can’t prove a thing!”
15. Speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks him.
16. “Nude” is not an acceptable uniform for morning formation.
17. Switch Captain Rex’s tactical blacks for an adult onesie “because he looked cold.”
18. Touch Captain Rex’s personal effects for any reason.
19. The end of the galaxy in a supermassive black hole is an acceptable time to touch Captain Rex’s personal effects. There is no other acceptable time.
20. The words “yippee,” “'like a sway-backed eopie,” “moist,” “it makes its own gravy,” “'rectory,” and “what could possibly go wrong” are no longer allowed on comms during missions.
21. Tattoo anything on his face that makes Commander Cody visibly react.
22. Pretend to be a Mandalorian crusader while on duty.
23. Trooper Hardcase is not God’s gift to sentient sexual beings.
24. Whispering “Good soldiers follow orders” into Sergeant Dogma’s ear when he is asleep, for the express purpose of goading him into a mental breakdown.
25. No one is allowed to whisper any words into Sergeant Dogma’s ears for any purpose, express or otherwise, while he is sleeping.
26. “The Force told me to” is not an adequate excuse for stealing the 104th’s entire supply of toilet paper.
27. Unless he is vomiting, bleeding, unconscious, or dead, Trooper Hardcase is not permitted in the medbay.
28. Attempt waking an ARC trooper by hitting them over the head with a sack of droid shrapnel.
29. Have a sack of droid shrapnel.
30. Steal, borrow, or “sacrifice his boyish charms” to obtain, or to keep, an illicit sack of droid shrapnel.
31. Refer to his “boyish charms.”
32.Teach other soldiers to say offensive and/or crude things in Shyriiwook, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
33. Glue safety cones to helmet and claim to be Togruta.
34. Trooper Hardcase is not The Chosen One.
35. Requisition 500L of dinko mating pheromones, as it is “definitely not to douse the 212th” and therefore has no purpose aboard ship.
36. Defect to the Separatist cause.
37. Let protocol droids take command of his post.
38. “Inspect the ‘fresher” for new recruits to ensure that the temperature labels are correct, and then switch them himself.
39. Trade candy for a lightsaber.
40. Trade a lightsaber for candy.
41. Trade Jesse to the Zygerrian ambassador for candy.
42. Trade his DC-15A for any of the following: glitteryll cigs, booze, sexual favors, droidekas, buzz droids, small children, bootleg holos, or candy.
43. Obtain small children for any reason.
44. Do anything he saw General Skywalker do that one time.
45. “I thought General Skywalker would approve” does not excuse any act resulting in Republic property damage. Even if General Skywalker does approve.
46. All EVAs are to be logged in advance with ATC. The Resolute conning towers are off-limits for use as rock climbing practice. Mimicking vulture droid energy torpedoes is not an approved landing pattern. “I was bored” is not a suitable explanation for any of the above.
47. Det cord is not an acceptable substitute for paracord.
48. Cod armor is to be worn at all times with the full set of Phase II armor kit, no matter how badly “a breeze ‘round the gett’se” is needed.
49. The revolution is not now.
50. Being on “Coruscant time” is not an acceptable excuse for being late to briefings.
51. Trooper Hardcase is to limit himself to one and only one blaster-related sexual innuendo per day.
52. He is not permitted to make any lightsaber innuendos.
53. Absolutely in no way ever is Trooper Hardcase permitted to assist, manage, or clean after KP.
54. Change the wording on 104th battalion LAAT/i nose art to “Plo’s Hos.”
55. During inter-company bolo ball tournaments, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
56. Trooper Hardcase is not a bounty hunter and may not tell civilians he is.
57. Blame General Skywalker’s flying when complicit in a shuttle crash.
58. Blame General Kenobi’s flying for any reason.
59. The proper response to a lawful order by the commander of the 104th is not “Woof woof, sir!”
60. Let himself get shot on purpose in order to enter medbay.
61. It is unacceptable behavior to decicred the deck officer’s door.
62. Ysalamiri do not make good battalion mascots. Anyone who persists in asking will be put on report.
63. Assist the ordnance team in the disarmament of missiles.
64. Access inflatable life rafts near the ordnance team.
65. Inform new recruits of the “proper” way to address Jedi.
66. Impersonate General Skywalker to enact the contingency orders.

I picked some favourites! X’D May it bring you as much joy and hilarity as it did me while I was trying to draw it!

incorrect-kotor-quotes:HK-47: Statement: Admit it, master. You all think droids are machines built...

Mon, 21 May 2018 01:32:17 -0400

incorrect-kotor-quotes:

HK-47: Statement: Admit it, master. You all think droids are machines built by meatbags to make their lives easier.
Revan: Aren’t they?
HK-47: Outrage: I have never made anyone’s life easier and you know it!

This is so true.

Reblog if You're a Fandalorian or a Member of the Mando'Ade.

Sun, 20 May 2018 03:40:33 -0400

tillallare1:

Mandalorians FOR THE WIN!!!

Oya Manda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Attempts at making some Mando’a terms of endearment

Sun, 20 May 2018 03:15:51 -0400

starrypawz:

So it seems ner (my/mine) and ika (small/little which seems to get added to words as like a familiarity diminutive thing) would be likely used in endearments pet names so I’ll make an attempt, if I stuff up grammar let me know
riddur’ika (riddur= spouse thinking this could be a way to say boyfriend/girlfriend)
alor’ad’ner (my captain)
chayaikir gar (you tease)
russ’ner (my rock)
russ’dral (or would it be dral’russ? ‘bright rock’ aka ‘diamond’)
uj'ika (can’t take credit for this one as asceticcyan told me this one, taken from uj’alayi which is sweet cake so this is like calling someone ‘cupcake/creampuff’ etc)
pirun’ner (pirun means water, water of course is important to life so basically ‘you are my water’=you are my life)
Juaan kar’ta’ner daraasum (’Beside/next to my heart forever’ a ‘in my heart’) ( or Kar’ta’ner juaan daraasum?)
kotep verd’ner (my brave solider, if verd’ika was used I guess it could be like when you use ‘my brave little solider’ towards a child?)
ni dinu gar kar’ta (I give you my heart)
gar yaim’ner (you are my home)
kot’ner (my strength)
ni batnor gar (I’m drunk on you)
cabur’ner (my protector)
ni yaim’la juaan gar (I’m comfortable next to you)
ni guuror gar (I like you)
manda’ner (my heaven)
ni jate‘kara (I’m lucky)
baar bal kar’ta (body and heart =‘body and soul’)
cuun baar tome (our bodies together/we are connected)
gar uj’baar (your sweet body, expression of desire)
ca bal tur (night and day)

Keeping this.

bowtochris: chromalogue: runtime-err0r: itsvondell: you can take one man’s trash to another...

Thu, 17 May 2018 00:56:58 -0400

bowtochris:

chromalogue:

runtime-err0r:

itsvondell:

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I’m rather fond of “It’s not rocket surgery” and “not the sharpest egg in the attic,” but my all-time favourite is, “…until the cows freeze over.”

You’ve opened this can of worms, now lie in it,

The pen is mightier than the elephant in the room.

kattyfacesblog: fairy-gawd-muva: dont-touch-my-fandoms: cartie...

Mon, 07 May 2018 04:14:05 -0400

kattyfacesblog:

fairy-gawd-muva:

dont-touch-my-fandoms:

cartiercocaine:

wнαт тнe ғυcĸ ιѕ тнιѕ?

Elmo’s voice saying “I’ll fuck u up” is the best and worst thing ever

YO I SWEAR THIS SHIT IS TOO FUNNY😭🤣

Is this five nights at Freddie’s?

This is what I came to this site for.

incorrectmarvelcomicsquotes: deadcrushing: thor ragnarok fight...

Fri, 04 May 2018 01:37:52 -0400

incorrectmarvelcomicsquotes:

deadcrushing:

thor ragnarok fight scene but holding out for a hero is playing

Incorrect soundtrack.

#incorrect Soundtrack

dearinfj: The difference between INFJ and INTJ at its finestINFJ: I would die for youINTJ: I would...

Thu, 03 May 2018 15:57:24 -0400

dearinfj:

The difference between INFJ and INTJ at its finest
INFJ: I would die for you
INTJ: I would kill for you

As a INTJ who retested as an INFJ, I understand this.

vgosts: Big Iron - Marty RobbinsFallout: New Vegas Best song...

Thu, 03 May 2018 04:32:47 -0400

vgosts:

Big Iron - Marty Robbins
Fallout: New Vegas

Best song in the game

When insults had class

Sat, 07 Apr 2018 04:10:53 -0400

simonalkenmayer:

dutchfruitjar:

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
“Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease”. “That depends, Sir,“ said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”

“He had delusions of adequacy.” - Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”- Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure.” -Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner
(about Ernest Hemingway).

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” - Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” - Oscar
Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend…. if you have one.”
(George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill)
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second …. if there is
one.“ (Winston Churchill, in response.)

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -
Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -
Irvin S. Cobb

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” - Paul Keating

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” -Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” - Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” - Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.”
Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx

All excellent insults.

Keeping these for future reference.

commanderspectre: I kinda want to do a High School AU where the Normandy crew are all teenagers...

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 05:30:33 -0400

commanderspectre:

I kinda want to do a High School AU where the Normandy crew are all teenagers that go to school together
Joker is the sarcastic asshole with mobility issues who is really into remote controlled airplanes that sort of gets along with all kinds of people somehow
Edith (EDI) is his unfairly hot girlfriend who is ironically the head of the Robotics club
Garrus is the kid from a cop family that everyone just assumes is going to be applying to the academy as well after high school
Wrex/Grunt is the captain of the wrestling team and is really happy about that
Miranda is the head cheeleader with a rich father and one of the more popular girls who is icy to everyone, but is really a great and loyal friend once you get to know her
Jack is the social outcast who usually cuts class and is always getting caught smoking under the bleachers, but once you earn her trust she’s actually a great friend who will mess someone up if they hurt you
Mordin is the chemistry nerd who always wins every years science contests
Kaidan is the artsy, sensitive kid that makes the girls swoon with how helistens to them and is always there if someone needs someone to talk to
Ashley is the captain of the softball team and is the biggest girl jock you’d ever meet, but is really cool even though she says some questionable things sometimes
Steve Cortez is the kid who just kind of floats from the jocks to the nerds and back again and has a job at the local go-kart track and always gets people in for free or after hours to run lanes
James is the alpha jock, captain of the football team, but is still a really nice guy to everyone and has a reputation of being a bit of a ladies man because he’s a huge flirt
Tali is the quiet yet also spunky girl who is really into electronics and built her own cell phone from parts she got from a hardware store, and is always Frankenstein-ing electrical equipment and somehow making it better (Legionis the robot Tali built in her freshman year that got her put on a government watch list)
Zaeed is the male version of Jack, only everyone suspects he’s done time because he was suddenly gone for half a year and came back with a wicked scar on his face
Samara is the quiet girl that is always sitting in the back of the class reading Nietzsche or Freud and is a genius
Thane is kind of like Samara only he’s scary good at martial arts and has like a hundred metals from competitions, even though he has severe asthma and is sick a lot
Oh!
And Shepard is the person they all gravitate to for some unknown reason, who is able to bring all these people will conflicting personalities and backgrounds together to coexist (somewhat) peacefully (there are always some rumor going around about them that they’re hooking up with at least one person of the group, but no one has proof and they all certainly don’t act like it)

Need this most of all.

kizuato-okami: Normandy crew assemble! I need this too.

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 05:23:53 -0400

kizuato-okami:

Normandy crew assemble!

I need this too.

johnlockerooni: I have this reoccurring thought about the Normandy crew playing Dungeons and...

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 05:01:02 -0400

johnlockerooni:

I have this reoccurring thought about the Normandy crew playing Dungeons and Dragons and Joker is the DM and the rest of the crew is purposely doing stupid things to piss him off
Garrus comes up with the idea to be twin (identical) brothers with Wrex and the krogan just goes along with it.
Wrex being the warrior and Garrus being some type of ranged attacker (maybe an archer) and also a bard so he sings and charms people and shit
Shepard is the only one who honestly can’t follow the rules (ie. The chess scene with Traynor) but tries to either solve the problem diplomatically or punches everyone and everything/Or Shepard is a total nerd for D&D like Joker and is just letting the crew have fun
Nobody is really enforcing rules with Grunt and is just letting him play to play (he meets both Shepard’s character and their LI and keeps trying to find his battlemaster a mate)
Liara has difficulty at first, she chooses a support role (like a healer or mage) but she gets too analytical, eventually easing into her role
Traynor is absolutely estatic to play D&D and the only one who’s taking it seriously, much to Joker’s fortune
James is just the super buff tank barbarian who keeps flashing his muscles and tries to flirt with every female npc and tries to duel most of the enemies solo
Cortez is James’ partner and is almost always healing him/pulling him out of fights
Kaidan vaguely remembers playing a round of D&D when he was younger but he can’t quite get his mind in the right place to really enjoy it
EDI is constantly pulling up statistics for her attacks and trying to calculate the moves until Joker tells her gently that she can just have fun
Tali is the closest thing the game has to a tech and she is living
“I want to blow up the bush.” “Tali it’s a bush” “I lost my pouch in it”
Oddly enough the crew gets really good rolls each time they want to do something stupid
Like Garrus will be like, “I want to sing to the Orc and invite him to dinner at my place” and rolls a 20
Shepard would be like, “I would like to punch the rock/Can I reason with the frightened dwarf for some food?/“I’m going to tell it I’m ____ Shepard and they need to give me some mutton”
James would say, “Can I roll to flex and hypnotize the dragon with my biceps?” And rolls a perfect score
At the end of the round (which literally takes eight hours because of their foolishness) Joker feels drained and reconsiders being their DM but thinks about how the crew was all together and having fun and realizes he didn’t regret a thing

I need this for study.

It’s a gift card

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 03:19:39 -0400

It’s a gift card

evaceratops: is it just me or did anyone else get the...

Thu, 29 Mar 2018 03:13:30 -0400

evaceratops:

is it just me or did anyone else get the impression that plo koon is just everyone’s dad

Plo was and is one of my favorites.

mass4ham: For @pandafreak32 who wanted whatever “is the most...

Fri, 16 Mar 2018 03:30:03 -0400

mass4ham:

For @pandafreak32 who wanted whatever “is the most heartbreaking.”

Keeping this.

reasons-wash-isnt-sleeping: Of course he knows it, it’s a 500...

Fri, 09 Mar 2018 01:45:26 -0500

reasons-wash-isnt-sleeping:

Of course he knows it, it’s a 500 year old classic

This I can get behind.

incorrect-kotor-quotes:Jedi: We’re here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people!Darth...

Fri, 09 Mar 2018 01:38:14 -0500

incorrect-kotor-quotes:

Jedi: We’re here to stop this senseless slaughter of our people!
Darth Revan: Ninety-two.
Jedi: This has gone on for too long. And now, you’re going to pay!
Darth Revan: Three hundred and fifty-five.
Jedi: We are…we…What are you-
Darth Revan: No, go on, continue, don’t mind me.
Jedi: And…and…we are the ones who will stop you!
Darth Revan: Oh, wow, four hundred and nineteen.
Jedi: What the hell are you doing?!
Darth Revan: Oh, sorry, it’s a little hobby of mine. I hear these heroic speeches so often, so I started making a mental list of how many times I’ve heard certain lines.
Jedi: You- You insane monster!
Darth Revan: One hundred and ninety.
Jedi: Yeah? Well…uh…we’re going to…FUCK YOUR FACE!
Darth Revan: Hah! Twelve.

snicketty-snook: i haven’t been on instagram all day yesterday...

Tue, 06 Mar 2018 22:17:15 -0500

snicketty-snook:

i haven’t been on instagram all day yesterday and i’m really glad that this was the first story i decided to watch 💕🤣
from stephanie instagram story

I’m keeping this.

Day one of my existence here on the site. Day one of my shoes as...

Tue, 13 Feb 2018 18:41:51 -0500

Day one of my existence here on the site. Day one of my shoes as I walk my path.